Marnie was, and still is a total roller coaster on the HBO show, Girls. We all know when she claims to be “okay”, girlfriend is sooo not okay. Marnie and I both do this thing where we put on our happy face and hold things in. I’m fully aware of this now because I realized I am indeed this character on Girls. Sooner or later, we burn ourselves out when we do this. Case and point, my semi breakdown this week that totally screwed up all the goals I put into place this month. However, unlike Marnie, I see that I might’ve pushed myself too hard to escape my emotions. Therefore, I feel zero guilt for these 4 epic fails this June

FAIL #1: Start a healthier diet
This past Wednesday I was grocery shopping and saw the most adorbs 4th of July cupcakes and figured I’d bring them to the office for the girls along with a bottle of wine. I told my bestie, Olivia who lives in NYC, about my sweet gesture but naturally she calls me out saying, “Dayna, you don’t even eat cupcakes!?!” And I thought, “Well, I can’t just bring wine, can I?” Anyways, she was right. I don’t do cupcakes. Or brownies. Or anything unhealthy really because I’m a freak who was once gluten-free and enjoyed juice cleanses (bless my 19-year-old self).

That night I wanted something delish after dinner and usually a piece of dark chocolate does the trick but the little bastards were looking at me and I couldn’t resist their cuteness. I tried to look away and think about the healthy new diet I decided to get back into this month. But, low and behold, I guess I fucking eat cupcakes now. 

The next morning my coworker, Annie, noticed my blue tongue and said, “cupcakes for breakfast?..” But hell this is coming from a girl who eats string cheese like it’s her job so… Needless to say the cupcakes and wine didn’t make it to the office this week.

FAIL #2: Shop less, save more
Between the new apartment, car, insurance and other lovely bills coming in more than texts from my mom, I needed to budget this month. I stopped ordering off of Seamless and Postmates at night and got off my lazy butt to go grocery shopping and stocked up on produce and frozen foods to last me throughout the week. I even stopped shopping for new shoes and clothes because my closet cannot fit anything else, seriously not even another tee-shirt. I started to feel like such an adult until I had to make a Target run for work. The beauty and snack aisle got me and “just need 1 thing!” turned into 5 and at that point I realized I should’ve just gotten a basket, or cart… but no. Instead I struggled with 10+ items in my hand as I waddled to the cashier. The good news is, it was Target, not an expensive store I typically pop my head into thinking I’m rich. I’ll just window shop with my face against the glass, tears running down my face while I whisper “I want you.” It’s cool.

FAIL #3: Gym Everyday for 30 days
“I’m going to the gym every day this month!” lol ok Dayna. I have to say though, I’m pretty damn proud that lasted for 3 weeks! The reason why I missed a few days was because I wanted to be there for a friend that needed me one night, had to dog/house sit and volunteered at a charity event. Why I missed this past week I have no excuse for. Oh well, that was fun while it lasted!

FAIL #4: Take a Break from Dating
Ok, so I know I said in my recent blog post, only 12 days ago, that I was going to take a break from dating and dating apps because it’s not my priority right now BUT just like those sweet little cupcakes—I couldn’t resist someone’s cuteness. While I am focusing on myself right now and can’t jump into anything serious, I see this as less of a “fail” and more me just letting go and not punishing myself if I feel a connection with someone. Right?! Right.

Just because I had a few minor set backs, aka #totalfails, to achieve perhaps unrealistic goals this month, doesn’t mean I’m a failure. I’m finding my way, like Marnie! Life would be boring if it came easy or if things were perfect… if we were perfect. Lord knows I’m not, but that’s ok because I know I’m getting better (faster, stronger) Better luck this month?!