“It’s all in the rear view for me. I need to move forward. I am moving forward.”
– Olivia Pope.
Around this time last year, I wrote a post about loving my career and putting 100% of my time and energy towards it. I craved success, and it felt so close I could taste it. At the same time, I wondered how “full” my life truly was. I have no regrets; I just look at things a bit differently now.
It all started when I was chatting with a friend in the coffee room. It was another late night and I remember telling her how I started drinking my coffee black like my soul and she laughed saying, “I know you feel like you have bigger and better things to do, but maybe you could find someone to have an even better time with… Go home Dayna. And please add milk, that’s disgusting.”
She was right. Why was I acting like a single 50-year-old woman? I excused it with answers like, “I don’t have time to commit and think about a relationship and love” or “I work late hours, I’m glued to my computer and won’t have much time for romance.” That was a lie, excuses holding me back from finding true happiness and fulfillment. Truth was, I was too busy keeping life squeaky clean and easy… God forbid I opened myself up for the possibility of things to get messy (and boy did they get messy).
I’m not perfect, or going to be the perfect girlfriend. They say love is made in the kitchen, but I think salmonella poisoning and stomachaches are made in mine. When I was single I was content ordering takeout, watching Scandal, having another peaceful night without setting off the smoke alarm. I mean… Olivia Pope doesn’t cook! Girlfriend lives off popcorn and wine and look at her! I bet if Fitz was like, “Liv, I’m starving. What’s for dinner?” She would say, “it’s handled”, close the laptop, answer the door, and take that seamless delivery to her man like a boss. [enter fist pump emoji]
Once I realized there is no such thing as a perfect girlfriend or perfect boyfriend, I let go, turned off my computer and opened up. I’m sure happy I did. Although things didn’t work out, I learned a lot about myself and what I want in a relationship. Basically my future hubby needs to live 3+ blocks away in order for this to work. Maybe he can sleep in the shed some nights if he’s lucky. Kidding… Maybe. All joking aside, I realized it’s crazy how much you can change in a year when you are open to it. Sure, I make mistakes, but internally and externally, I’m handling it. At my speed, my pace, my time… I know I got this.
I ended my last article saying that I’ll always believe in chasing a dream- and I stand by that. But one year later and even after a sad, painful breakup I realize there’s more to life than just myself and my dreams. There’s friends, family (who were amazing during this chaotic month) and maybe even someone out there who is a dream chaser like me. And while I don’t think I’ll be putting on an apron anytime soon I’m happy to “handle” ordering… Maybeeee even cooking for two. Stay tuned!