Before I begin, please note this story isn’t about a guy, but rather a twist of fate, a sign that came at the most ideal time.
I can’t lie. It hasn’t been an easy adjustment this past month. It feels like it’s been the calm AFTER the storm where everything that just happened, on top of being far away from friends and family, has sunk in. This past week I wondered, “what am I doing here in California?!” Sure, the weather is awesome, the food is fresh (sushi everyday please!) and I love my new job and coworkers who helped make this transition easier, though I can’t help but miss home and feel as though nobody here will ever fully understand the heartbreak I just went through.
It was the end of the workday and I opened up to my coworker, Audrey, who I’ve been sharing an office with for over a month. In the short amount of time that we’ve worked together, she has taken me under her wing and although she was new to LA too, she has made the move easier. As if I didn’t like her already, she gave the best advice that made me feel okay to go through my emotions, especially since she knew bits and pieces of my recent breakup.
“It’s all in the rear view for me. I need to move forward. I am moving forward.”
– Olivia Pope.
Around this time last year, I wrote a post about loving my career and putting 100% of my time and energy towards it. I craved success, and it felt so close I could taste it. At the same time, I wondered how “full” my life truly was. I have no regrets; I just look at things a bit differently now.
It all started when I was chatting with a friend in the coffee room. It was another late night and I remember telling her how I started drinking my coffee black like my soul and she laughed saying, “I know you feel like you have bigger and better things to do, but maybe you could find someone to have an even better time with… Go home Dayna. And please add milk, that’s disgusting.”
She was right. Why was I acting like a single 50-year-old woman? I excused it with answers like, “I don’t have time to commit and think about a relationship and love” or “I work late hours, I’m glued to my computer and won’t have much time for romance.” That was a lie, excuses holding me back from finding true happiness and fulfillment. Truth was, I was too busy keeping life squeaky clean and easy… God forbid I opened myself up for the possibility of things to get messy (and boy did they get messy).
I’m not perfect, or going to be the perfect girlfriend. They say love is made in the kitchen, but I think salmonella poisoning and stomachaches are made in mine. When I was single I was content ordering takeout, watching Scandal, having another peaceful night without setting off the smoke alarm. I mean… Olivia Pope doesn’t cook! Girlfriend lives off popcorn and wine and look at her! I bet if Fitz was like, “Liv, I’m starving. What’s for dinner?” She would say, “it’s handled”, close the laptop, answer the door, and take that seamless delivery to her man like a boss. [enter fist pump emoji]
Thinking back to some of our most beloved rom-com movies I find myself to be somewhat offended by the movie, He’s Just Not That into You. The story seems very sexist to me and, of course, one of the single ladies is played by miss solo herself, Jennifer Aniston. How ironic. A woman who remains not married on and off camera…and written off to be miserable about it. Why is it that we teach women to aspire to marriage but we teach men to aspire to careers? Not everyone wants to get married and marriage shouldn’t be seen as an accomplishment. Did it ever occur to people that maybe Ms. Aniston or us girls aren’t into the guy? That actually, she’s just not that into you…
1. If she’s not drunk texting you.
Exception to the rule: she’s just tipsy, her phone died, she’s in a coma.
2. If she isn’t following you and hasn’t liked ANY of your Instagram pictures.
Exception to the rule: you don’t have a Instagram, your pictures are all WCW, you only have one picture.
In 2014 I slept with a guy multiple times without being in a serious relationship. Now before you roll your eyes and say to yourself, “well, duh of course this ends badly,” think of all the relationships that jump into something too fast and too serious; those also crash and burn. Trust me, I used to look back at it all and blame myself for the not so happy ending. I would think, “I’m hard on myself so I’m hard on others” or “I have high expectations for myself, so I did from you.” And while that could all be true, I still don’t think I could have done anything differently. You helped me let my hair down, but I could never let you in, with good reason. I no longer blame myself for the game you played and here’s why…