4 Fails At A Strip Club

It’s been a busy few months and since moving into the city it’s only gotten worse. I’ve had less time to blog ever since my lazy Sunday’s have been taken away by cleaning and furniture shopping (mind you I’m still on the hunt for a bed) and I’ve been working so late by the time I get out I just want to unplug.

However, this weekend inspired me to get back on my blogging game…Why? Because nothing cures writers block like going to a strip club. Yep! If your looking to get laid don’t follow my lead. Here are my 4 fails at a strip club.

 1. The Interviewer: As I was chatting with a few of the strippers (trying hard to not look down) I would try to change the subject to feel less awkward. For instance, when they said “Your beautiful! Would you like a dance?” I would say something like, “Aw, thanks but no thanks! So how long have you been doing this for?” “How long are the hours?” “Do you commute?” and my favorite, “Is there a dress code?” I was basically interviewing all the men. Needless to say, none of them got the job (Pun intended.)

2. The Mom: Some of the guys were as young as 21…MIND BLOWN when one guy told me he’s been stripping since he was 18. Naturally, I turned into a 60 year old woman telling him, he’s not gonna be cute and fit forever and that he should go to school. From there, I asked deep questions like, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” His answers made me want to give him a hug and tell him everything’s going to be ok, totally strip club appropriate.  I’m surprised I didn’t get kicked out for harassing the strippers, but wasn’t surprised when they walked away and started cuddling up to the rich 80 year old who didn’t ask questions… he paid up.

3. The Stingy: I was definitely not being “cheap” on purpose, I had cash on me (you know, just to fit in…) But things would’ve been easier and less awkward if I could just hand them the bills. “Where’s the cashier?!” I thought. I didn’t want to be rude but I couldn’t get myself to put cash in someone’s Calvin’s.

4. The Basic Bitch: Nothing’s says “I’m having so much fun!” like asking the half-naked bartender to charge your iPhone. When I ran out of juice I became just as anxious as the thirty men and women at that bar. To me, a full charged iPhone is the equivalent to an orgasm… it’s satisfaction guaranteed. “YES, YES, YES!” I softly screamed as the text messages started coming in. True pleasure.

Another lazy Sunday taken away from me the next day as I knew it was time to go to the laundry mat. Uncomfortable and out of place, I found myself shaking 10 times more putting my quarters into the machine than I was putting dollars into someone’s boxer briefs the night before. I laughed and thought, “I don’t know if I’ll ever go to a strip club again, but I definitely need to find a new laundry mat…”

Actually, She’s Just Not That Into You.

Thinking back to some of our most beloved rom-com movies I find myself to be somewhat offended by the movie, He’s Just Not That into You. The story seems very sexist to me and, of course, one of the single ladies is played by miss solo herself, Jennifer Aniston. How ironic. A woman who remains not married on and off camera…and written off to be miserable about it. Why is it that we teach women to aspire to marriage but we teach men to aspire to careers? Not everyone wants to get married and marriage shouldn’t be seen as an accomplishment. Did it ever occur to people that maybe Ms. Aniston or us girls aren’t into the guy? That actually, she’s just not that into you…

1. If she’s not drunk texting you.
Exception to the rule: she’s just tipsy, her phone died, she’s in a coma.

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2. If she isn’t following you and hasn’t liked ANY of your Instagram pictures.
Exception to the rule: you don’t have a Instagram, your pictures are all WCW, you only have one picture.
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To The Guy I Was Sleeping With

In 2014 I slept with a guy multiple times without being in a serious relationship. Now before you roll your eyes and say to yourself, “well, duh of course this ends badly,” think of all the relationships that jump into something too fast and too serious; those also crash and burn. Trust me, I used to look back at it all and blame myself for the not so happy ending. I would think, “I’m hard on myself so I’m hard on others” or “I have high expectations for myself, so I did from you.” And while that could all be true, I still don’t think I could have done anything differently. You helped me let my hair down, but I could never let you in, with good reason. I no longer blame myself for the game you played and here’s why…

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BFF Behavior: The Ultimate Gift Guide

She’s the friend that will always look on the bright side of things. That drunk text you made, the major work slip-up… no big deal. She will always lift you up whenever you’re feeling down and insecure.  She is a good girl but deserves not just a good, but a great gift.

ENAMEL Let Your Hair Down Compact // Silver street ‘roll of the die’ decision maker // I’m Wild, She’s Sweet, Tee-shirts // My Best Friend is a Human iPhone 5 Case

She’s the friend that can tell when you’re not being yourself. She’s older, wiser, and always knows the right thing to do…whether you like hearing it or not. She deserves something sophisticated with a little sparkle.

Best Friend Hinge Bangle // C. Wonder Bubbles Champagne Flute Glasses // ‘Diorific – Golden Shock’ Top Coat // Morgan Lane Starry Eyed Sleeping Mask

She’s the instafamous friend who has close to 10k followers but knows none of them are true friends and she’s always been your #1 fan. She’s supported your dreams no matter how big they are. You guys communicate through emojis and somehow it all makes sense. She needs something she’s really gonna “like”.

 Ban.do ‘Back Me Up’ iPhone 5 // Fujifilm Instax Mini 8 Instant Camera // IPhone 5 Women – Moschino // Fujifilm INSTAX Mini Rainbow Film

She edgy, a trendsetter, a badass bitch. She is the friend that helps you let your hair down and just have fun. She inspires you to be yourself and not care what others think. She’s getting a thoughtful trendy present this year!

Fashion Packed Life Luggage Tag // Comes With Baggage Bitches Clutch | Blue&Cream // Moon and Lola // BP. ‘Bestie’ Beanie Set // Best Bitches iPhone 5 Case Set

 

#modelsjustwannahavefun

Models backstage on Make A GifWhen I was backstage at NYFW, I noticed how many of the fresh faced models were just young teenagers.  As they innocently snacked on pizza and ice cream popsicles while waiting to have their makeup done, I cringed at the idea of getting into their personal space before the show.  The last thing I wanted to do was treat them like they were hunted prey.
huTHkV on Make A Gif, Animated Gifs

I tried to put myself in their shoes (which by the way didn’t look too comfy).  I knew if it were me, having my nails done, hair teased, and eyelashes glued on, the last thing I would want to do is give my best pout to a photographer or talk to a reporter.oGO2FV on Make A Gif, Animated Gifs

That’s when I decided to try something different.  Since it was truly laughable how crazy it was backstage, I thought the girls could use a good chuckle to lighten things up. While using the cool new app, PHHHOTO, with the models backstage, I was able to capture their natural smiles and we enjoyed a few laughs. I realized walking in with my iphone 5, that I wasn’t going to capture a better shot than another photographer with a big fancy camera; but, I knew I could give my followers an unique inside peek backstage and an original fun teaser that certainly wouldn’t be found on Vogue.com or WWD.

Remember ladies, never take yourself or fashion too seriously… or you miss all the fun!

For more spontaneous snaps follow me on Instagram @pinkytoposh

Upgrade Your Summer Makeup

I get so heated when I leave the house in the summer with my makeup looking fresh, only to get to my destination looking less like a magical mermaid and more like a scary swamp lady…The reality is if you choose to waste your time contouring your face you will look like you have fallen face first into the mud by the end of the day. Don’t get makeup battle wounds. The summer sun will ALWAYS win in the end.

Wearing waterproof makeup in the summer can help you go about your day without reapplying or being surprised when you look in the mirror later on. However, take full advantage of these few months by embracing your natural glow and freckles. You look healthier, not to mention younger, when you don’t conceal and cover up your skin. Use minimal makeup to enhance what you already have.  

Lancome Waterproof Concealer // Tarte Smooth Operator//
Tarte Waterproof Body Perfector// Makeup Forever Concealer

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The Summer Smooch

When it comes to my beauty secrets, I will always kiss and tell. Lip-gloss is a powerful weapon; a wand that can help you seduce, shine, and ultimately feel fabulous. A light gloss is all you need for a trip to the beach or those lazy summer days. I have to admit, I’m not a huge lip-gloss or lipstick girl but when I do take the time to apply, I feel a little more sexy and vibrant. Just a little bit and you’re ready to sparkle and shine this summer!

SKINNY DIPPING: Naked Nars

Turkish Delight // Chihuahua // Giza // Orgasm

WILD FIRE: Smoking Smashbox

 Azalea Bright Pink Fuchsia // Disco Rose Rich Rose // Legendary True Red

SEX ON THE BEACH: Lancome Lover

Rose Des Nymphes // Rose Contre Temps // Rose Attrape Coeur // Rose Deau

TANNING TOPLESS: Bronzed Bobbi Brown

High Shimmer in Canary // High Shimmer in Beach // Chocolate Raspberry

Click here to listen to The Summer Smooch playlist on Spotify!

Making The Most Of The Middle

Life used to be so much fun being in the middle. Remember when it was cool to be the one in the middle of a photo or sit in between your besties at the movies. Those were the days when no one EVER wanted to be the first or last in line.

Making the most of itNow, I have a totally different view of what it means to be “in the middle,” and it’s definitely not as amusing as I remember. Today, it seems we all take life too seriously focusing straight ahead to reach goals society has programmed us to achieve. We also often get stuck in-between jobs, in the middle of two family members, or even in-between a best friend and a boyfriend. I’ll admit for the past year I have felt like quite the middle man, or woman I should say. I’m in that limbo adult phase in life where I have a nice job and great group of friends, but still not sure where I’m headed; and that’s ok. I’ve come to realize that fully accepting the middle means you’ve taken the responsibility to take control of your own life; no syllabus or directions included.

 

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