Before I begin, please note this story isn’t about a guy, but rather a twist of fate, a sign that came at the most ideal time.
I can’t lie. It hasn’t been an easy adjustment this past month. It feels like it’s been the calm AFTER the storm where everything that just happened, on top of being far away from friends and family, has sunk in. This past week I wondered, “what am I doing here in California?!” Sure, the weather is awesome, the food is fresh (sushi everyday please!) and I love my new job and coworkers who helped make this transition easier, though I can’t help but miss home and feel as though nobody here will ever fully understand the heartbreak I just went through.
It was the end of the workday and I opened up to my coworker, Audrey, who I’ve been sharing an office with for over a month. In the short amount of time that we’ve worked together, she has taken me under her wing and although she was new to LA too, she has made the move easier. As if I didn’t like her already, she gave the best advice that made me feel okay to go through my emotions, especially since she knew bits and pieces of my recent breakup.
After moving to California and going through a devastating transition to say the least, I found myself wondering what am I doing here (and in life). Everything that could’ve gone wrong went wrong. A breakup, a car accident, getting a puppy than him peeing all over my new dress, phone shattering, losing power … I could go on…I thought the universe was against me, and I started to feel truly lost. As tempting as it was to take the first flight back to New York to be with my friends and family, I knew deep down, I couldn’t give up that easily.
Instead, I cried my eyes out, vented to my besties, Patrice and Peter (my Cali BFF’s who may or may not be in their 50’s…) poured myself a glass of wine, bought some waterproof mascara and decided I was just going to go with it. I am now embracing this unique “journey,” canceling my pity party and saying cheers to being lost. Here’s why :)
- This experience has taught me to be able to accept things that don’t go according to plan.
- There is something great about feeling curious and wanting more in life.
- Your journey is yours; it’s unique. You don’t need to proceed down YOUR path at the same rate as your peers.
- It feels good to be up for a challenge. Remember, if you aren’t being challenged, then there is no growth.
- You will avoid being a “know it all” and instead continue to learn, grow and work hard. If you’re the smartest person in the room then you should open the door and explore new opportunities and then become the boss bitch you secretly are.
- It’s an awesome feeling to be open-minded.
- When you aren’t so hard on yourself, and you admit that you are a little lost, you become open to more opportunities that will help you find what you are looking for.
- When you’re hard on yourself you can become hard on others. There’s power in showing and accepting your flaws.
- You will be able to get excited about the unknown and the future.
- Maybe you are exactly where you need to be – lost… because how does anyone stumble upon a new (amazing) path anyway?
Go get ’em ladies!
“Be nice or I’ll write about you on my blog”, my instagram bio says. Well, a few nice guys didn’t like this and asked if that meant I only write about the bad ones. I then thought of a couple boys I’ve met and there was one that stood out to me.
On a chilly winter day I was running late and a little lost in New York City. My phone was dead and I had no shame asking anyone and everyone for directions. I asked a foreigner, of course, and two girls who completely blew me off. That’s when I met him. He told me to follow him, he was taking the B and I was taking the C train uptown. He just moved into the city and we talked about how easy it is to get confused with the subways but I think he was trying to make me feel better.
In 2014 I slept with a guy multiple times without being in a serious relationship. Now before you roll your eyes and say to yourself, “well, duh of course this ends badly,” think of all the relationships that jump into something too fast and too serious; those also crash and burn. Trust me, I used to look back at it all and blame myself for the not so happy ending. I would think, “I’m hard on myself so I’m hard on others” or “I have high expectations for myself, so I did from you.” And while that could all be true, I still don’t think I could have done anything differently. You helped me let my hair down, but I could never let you in, with good reason. I no longer blame myself for the game you played and here’s why…